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This topic contains 178 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by  douglasleps 8 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #6316

    stephenlawes
    Keymaster

    Please enter your comments and thoughts on Conflict Management here.

  • #6327

    RBosic
    Participant

    Lesson 1, Conflict is not something new and actually began during the beginning of time as we know of it Biblically. There was conflict in Heaven between God and Lucifer. Conflict between Satan and God’s creation, Adam & Eve. Conflict between the Scribes and the pharisees.

    Lesson 2, It is important to recognize that just because different people take different approaches to working through conflict that they may have their own agenda in mind in lieu of trying to resolve the issues for the right reason.

    Lesson 4, Hostility within the conflict can become an issue if you allow it to escalate farther along the five stage list.

    Lesson 5, Five stages to conflicts: 1-Tension, 2-Role dilemma, 3-Injustice Collecting, 4-Confrontation, 5-Adjustment

    Lesson 6, Perception becomes reality which adds to the confusion of conflict. Remember when dealing with conflicts it is best to be, “Soft on people, Hard on problems.”

    Lesson 7, Although healthy communication is always important in any conflict, it is important to listen to the parties involved so you can find some common ground with which to start a dialogue. It is equally important to find out what will bring the conflict to resolve within the parties so you know when the conflict has been reached.

    Lesson 8, Reiterates the five stages of conflict resolutions and the importance of trying to nip the conflict in the bud as quickly as possibly before you reach the point of no return. Although the five stages of conflict resolution have an order of preference and hopefully the conflict can be resolved within the first few stages it is also important to understand that some times the latter styles work effectively for the situation at hand. So never give up even though you know you cannot please everyone all the time.

    Lesson 9, Bring criticism to closure as quickly as you can so it does not affect your life. Be gentile but firm and it is better to request effective feedback from trusted individuals whom you respect and love as they will be honest with you.

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  RBosic.
    • #6962

      coopertlc123
      Participant

      lesson 1 response Actually the conflict in heaven began before the beginning of time, as we know it. It is amazing that conflict occurred all through the Bible and is still going strong today. The sinful nature of people help to feed this.

      • #7832

        patriciakuhn
        Participant

        And we experience conflict because everything hinges on relationships, so we must concentrate on having healthy relationships-especially within the church.

    • #6964

      coopertlc123
      Participant

      response lesson 2 unfortunately this happens too often. Mostly it is some sort of a power play.

    • #6967

      coopertlc123
      Participant

      reply to lesson 4 hostility is obviously an emotional response from someone that feels threatened. I agree with you that the sooner you eliminate the hostility, the easier it will be to resolve the conflict.

      • #7837

        patriciakuhn
        Participant

        I agree because hostility could lead to that person leaving the church or the person the hostility was aimed at leaving the church, if it is not resolved quickly.

    • #6969

      coopertlc123
      Participant

      I too enjoyed the 5 stages explanation. The roll dilemma stage, where you begin to sense indignation over the comments made by those you do not agree with, is a good point for self evaluation. It could stop there if you are paying attention to your own feelings and thoughts.

    • #7004

      coopertlc123
      Participant

      response to lesson 6 I have always liked the expression, perception is reality”. When two people oppose each other, often it is because they each have their own reality, which is a different reality than the other one. Compromise is one method for resolution of the conflict but trying to get both parties to modify their realities, so they become the same or similar, provides the best solution.

    • #7006

      coopertlc123
      Participant

      lesson 7 response I agree about listening. I have a problem with that and it is something I am working on.

      • #7827

        patriciakuhn
        Participant

        I am the same way. Sometimes have to work on listening, rather than talking.

      • #8265

        MeriLynn
        Participant

        Me too! I spent my whole life trying to get a word in and to be understood and thinking ahead for my response. I am aware today, but it is still an awful struggle sometimes as “old tapes” begin to play anD I’m afraid I won’t be hard!

    • #7016

      coopertlc123
      Participant

      response to lesson 8 The five stages are very interesting and all have their place. I never really thought about the long term damage of always using the compromiser style. It makes sense in that no one is really satisfied so the conflict re-emerges.

    • #7019

      coopertlc123
      Participant

      response to lesson 9 I have never been good at accepting unsolicited criticism. Constructive or not. I have been able to take the advice of trusted friends and or family, especially if I ask their opinion. I have to strive not to take it personal.

    • #7020

      coopertlc123
      Participant

      response to lesson 9 I agree with your comment. Sometimes it is difficult but you are right.

    • #7838

      patriciakuhn
      Participant

      Reply to Lesson 5. Would be great if we could stop it at the tension stage because it goes so quickly to the roles dilemma stage.

    • #7849

      patriciakuhn
      Participant

      Response to Lesson 9. Is so hard sometimes to get over criticism to get to closure.

    • #8269

      MeriLynn
      Participant

      I really enjoy yours summaries, Robert… Thank you!

    • #8279

      MeriLynn
      Participant

      Yes on number nine! Hanging out in that area causes pain and is so unproductive!!

  • #6961

    coopertlc123
    Participant

    Lesson 1 The definition given for conflict as two pieces of matter trying to occupy the same place at the same time was quite good. This would encompass many things besides physical matter such as competing goals, attitudes, two guys wanting the same girlfriend and two nations wanting the same piece of land.
    The potential for conflict in a church is great and the possible ramifications are even greater. I think pastors should be pre-emptive concerning conflict by
    * developing processes and methods for managing conflict in a healthy manner and make this process known to the congregation as he gets their buy in to the process.
    * developing methods and programs designed to create and build strong congregational relationships
    * preach sermons explaining the danger of unresolved conflict and to discourage conflict. This should be done periodically and even before conflict is identified within the church. Teach the congregation to keep conflict friendly and make sure your process is designed to bring conflict quickly to a finish.

    • #8079

      tomdoerfel
      Participant

      As a father of ten children, one thing for sure is the amount of conflict we experience is more than most other families due to sheer numbers. We should all practice resolving conflict…knowing it’s just around the corner. Practice makes perfect!

    • #8148

      MeriLynn
      Participant

      I think there will always be a measure of conflict in the church. Awareness is the key…resolving disagreements quickly so that they don’t escalate and more people don’t get dragged into it.

  • #6963

    coopertlc123
    Participant

    Lesson 2 When a church has conflict involving control of the church, splitting of the church can be a result. I have attended churches controlled by a small powerbase of the congregation and churches controlled by the pastor. I have seen much less conflict in the churches controlled by the pastor.

    • #7822

      patriciakuhn
      Participant

      I totally agree with this. I have attended churches that had deacons and elders and they had a hard time reaching a decision sometimes. An example was that the church did not have any music, but 80% of the congregation was requesting that they wanted music. The deacons and elders said “No” every time it was brought before them and the pastor and half of the congregation left the church because of this.

      • #8149

        MeriLynn
        Participant

        Wow… That is sad to hear, Pat. I didn’t realize that deacons and elders hands that much power. Interesting how too hey “resisted change”…even at e expense of losing their Pastor!!

    • #8098

      tomdoerfel
      Participant

      Yes, churches run by pastors seem to have less conflict. However, I wish we could vote for a president that was like many pastors who run healthy churches. Healthy leaders are broken people in a broken world that want nothing less than God’s will in all their decisions, not claiming to have all the answers.

      • #8988

        douglasleps
        Participant

        I agree, having just a pastor as the boss without a board can eliminate much conflict.

    • #8993

      Roberta Leps
      Participant

      Like our Big Pine Key Vineyard. No 2 matters are trying to occupy same space, thus much less conflict.

  • #6965

    coopertlc123
    Participant

    Lesson 3 Dr Wise spoke about people taking scripture out of context and using it as a weapon in a conflict situation. I have found another method used probably as often, which is the practice of prefacing your position with something similar to, “God told me”. This is often used in an attempt to add creditability to ones position or even to put a position up that is hard to challenge. To challenge that position you are forced to discredit the persons relationship with God, or even worse, To discredit God.

    • #7835

      patriciakuhn
      Participant

      I agree about the “God told me” scenario. Was recently at an 80th birthday party (for a church member) at the church I went to as a child and a minister said “I asked God, and he told me”. True, can’t challenge that!

    • #8108

      tomdoerfel
      Participant

      Yes, and God does speak to us in a love language all His own. Seems our responsibility is to communicate that properly without putting others in a vulnerable position to discredit God or others.

  • #6966

    coopertlc123
    Participant

    Lesson 4 Unfortunately we have learned that churches are no different than any or all other organizations when it comes to conflict and its causes. I have been in churches literally from the time I came out of the womb until now, 63 years later. I have been in management professionally from the time I was 22 years old until now, 63 yrs old. By the time I was 25 years old I was managing over 125 people and through the years I have been everything from Vice-President to CEO, Managing companies in excess of 50 million in revenue and hundreds of employees. I say this not to brag about my background, rather to qualify this comment. “People are basically the same in all types of organizations. It matters not if they are Christian or atheist. It matters not if it is a church, private business, corporate business or municipal organization such as a Parks and Recreation Department for a local city. People have egos, hidden agendas, good motives, bad motives, they are destructive, they are constructive; but no matter how you slice it, people will be in conflict. Some conflict is for the right reason, but in my opinion, most conflict derives from selfish motives. This course should be a requirement for all and should be taught at the high school level.

    • #7823

      patriciakuhn
      Participant

      Yes, it would be great if people went into the workforce with this information, especially if they are in management positions. I started managing others when I was 21 and certainly could have used this class as a basis to use when conflict started, which it did immediately when I was put into that position. I was younger than anyone I was supervising, so the conflict began from that. So, that young, and no conflict management class-prayer was my only tool to use.

    • #8250

      MeriLynn
      Participant

      I totally agree! Wherever there are people, there is conflict. I have been a bar owner for almost 34 years and I can predict when the tension and conflict will arise. As we hit the slow season in May and September, I pass out a letter reminding all the employees that they will be “bickering over shifts and what so and so said” simply because they are not as busy and they didn’t prepare for less money…again!! Seems that they behave a little better knowing that it’s mostly their own fault and that I am aware of their “finger pointing” 😊

  • #6968

    coopertlc123
    Participant

    Lesson 5 I thought the breakdown of the different stages of conflict and its resolution was well done. Sometimes stage 2 and 3 are skipped right over to stage 4, confrontation, because many times people have predetermined positions and do not come to the meeting for resolution but to do battle.

  • #7003

    coopertlc123
    Participant

    Lesson 6 Cognitive dissonance happens to all of us at one time or another. When we cant make up our minds between opposing issues and or we tend to lean one way and then we lean the other way. We haven’t made up our mind and usually because we don’t have adequate information so we are easily influenced. The path of least resistance is easily taken because we are not committed to either side, so we tend to let the outcome develop without any buy in.

  • #7005

    coopertlc123
    Participant

    Lesson 7 The common belief that crossing your arms across your chest indicates you are closed and not interested in what is being said. I have always had a problem with that concept. I cross my arms often because I find it to be comfortable and a way to change positions during a long engagement. I look around and observe other people and when I see someone else with arms folded, I try to determine if they are in any way mad, sad, unhappy or disinterested. Usually I don’t find any indication that the folded arms mean anything.

    • #7824

      patriciakuhn
      Participant

      I hate to admit it, but I am guilty of the crossed arms concept. It is my “defensive and ready to do battle” stance.

    • #8165

      tomdoerfel
      Participant

      I perceive body language in the same way as you are describing, however, if someone does in fact have a bad attitude their body language can sometimes give it away…

  • #7007

    coopertlc123
    Participant

    Lesson 8 Conflict management is not controlling conflict, it is trying to increase beneficial consequences and decrease harmful consequences. This should be our target objective.

    • #7847

      patriciakuhn
      Participant

      I think many people still believe they can control conflict.

      • #8270

        MeriLynn
        Participant

        It’s nicer now, after listening to this, to be able to be aware and identify that there is conflict and have some tools tow help resolve it!

  • #7018

    coopertlc123
    Participant

    Lesson 9 Self examination is difficult to do but the rewards are great. If only we could all do that we would reduce conflict dramatically.

  • #7407

    PBob
    Participant

    1. Professor Wise Guy tells us conflict is unavoidable and is not new. Conflict is all over the bible. Growth = Change = Conflict. I am not surprised when he tells us the 60% of churches are NOT healthy. Pastors are targets for conflict and must have polices in place to deal with them. I like the definition: Conflict, two pieces of matter trying to occupy the same space at the same time. Some people fight some flight, I tend to flight. I hate conflict and usually just turn and walk away.

    • #7825

      patriciakuhn
      Participant

      How are you? Concerning fight or flight, just depends on the day and circumstances for me. It is really sad about the percentage of churches that are not healthy.

      • #7851

        PBob
        Participant

        Hi, Pat, I have been in Muskegon for a couple of weeks for the Unity Christian Music Festival. Glad to see you are still at it. Very good course.

    • #8078

      tomdoerfel
      Participant

      Me too pbob, but if backed into a corner a good hockey fight can sometimes settle some differences

    • #8150

      MeriLynn
      Participant

      Professor Wise Guy… LOL. Thanks, Bob! And your comment is well said and true. I’m not a “flight” kind of person…which usually gets me in trouble!!

    • #8244

      Cheryldoerfel
      Participant

      Makes me think back a little, we had two pastors in a row that both quit the ministry after about three years of ministry. I think they were both so discouraged trying to deal with so many conflicts. Conflicts really pulled everyone’s primary focus out of whack.

  • #7408

    PBob
    Participant

    2. Yes the bible is full of conflict and teaches that values and reconciliation are important and that conflict is not sinful, it is the BEHAVIOR during conflict that can be sinful. People, yes imagine that, create conflict.

    • #7826

      patriciakuhn
      Participant

      And, it is amazing what small things can turn into huge conflicts.

    • #8994

      douglasleps
      Participant

      Yes ,I liked when I heard the part about reconciliation is more important than being right

  • #7409

    PBob
    Participant

    3. Professor Wise Guy gives us a long list of causes of conflict. I find it interesting that lack of compromise leads to dysfunctional behavior and conflict avoidance pretending it is not happening and use of scripture as weapons.

    • #7828

      patriciakuhn
      Participant

      Especially how scripture can be taken out of context and used or twisted to appear to prove someone’s particular point of view during conflict.

    • #8107

      tomdoerfel
      Participant

      Good point PBob, it’s the behavior that is dysfunctional just like Dr Wise states.

    • #9002

      douglasleps
      Participant

      We cannot put our heads in the sand and avoid conflict or pretend it doesn’t exist, but deal with it in an appropriate way

  • #7410

    PBob
    Participant

    4. Very interesting the many symptoms of conflict in the Church indicating internal division among its members. A knowledge of the predictability of conflicts can help to recognize conflicts early when is it easier to resolve them.

    • #8251

      MeriLynn
      Participant

      People tend to hide that stuff pretty well in a big church like ours, but “tension” can be “felt” if you are perceptive.

      • #8315

        Cheryldoerfel
        Participant

        I remember learning things after the fact that we’re going on at one of the churches we attended and we had no idea. Things were so secretive, behind the scenes stuff. So glad to be away from all that knit picking. We had a youth pastor fired because one teen complained to her parents that she didn’t like him. What an unfortunate mess.

  • #7411

    PBob
    Participant

    5. In organizational patterns what stood out for me was, WE DO NOT OWN THE CHURCH, GOD OWNS IT!! We serve the Lord. In the stages of resolution the first stage, Tension is the time to nip it.

    • #7829

      patriciakuhn
      Participant

      Imagine what the percentage of healthy churches would be if it was resolved in the first stage, but it sounds like that is not usually the case.

    • #8118

      tomdoerfel
      Participant

      Right on PBob, being stewards and not owners of the churches we attend

    • #8253

      MeriLynn
      Participant

      Yes, Stewardship verses ownership rang out to me too!!

    • #9022

      douglasleps
      Participant

      That’s right Bob…. Stewardship verses Ownership.

  • #7412

    PBob
    Participant

    6. It is very important to express and acknowledge emotions and feeling of the parties involved in conflict. Let them Vent, give them permission to talk about their feelings. LISTEN, really listen! This will help get agreement and resolution. Trust, risk and growth lead to good relationships. Good communications promotes dialog, decreases tension and strives to solve problems.

    • #7842

      patriciakuhn
      Participant

      Yes, but the person must feel accepted and must trust others for them to truly vent.

    • #8126

      tomdoerfel
      Participant

      Yes PBob, one of my biggest struggles is listening well

  • #7413

    PBob
    Participant

    7. Communications is 90% non-verbal. Good listening involves objective reception and feedback is important to acknowledge and validate what was expressed. Of the 5 conflict management styles, collaborator is the best believing there is always a solution. I have learned that my favorite style is/has been avoidance. I am sure better solutions could have been found with what I have learned in this course.

    • #7844

      patriciakuhn
      Participant

      I agree. I could have found some better solutions had I taken this course years ago.

    • #8164

      tomdoerfel
      Participant

      I guess we are in the same boat PBob as I prefer avoiding conflict and also agree these lectures give us better tools to work with

  • #7414

    PBob
    Participant

    8. Management of Conflict is an attempt to increase the beneficial consequences while decreasing the harmful consequences. There are many ground rules that need to be agreed upon starting with if we expect change from others we must be willing to change too. Mutually agree to a solution and abide by it. Agree to get together after reconciliation and celebrate the solution. We are responsible for one another and must seek the power of the Lord for solutions and to help forgive others and ourselves.

    • #7846

      patriciakuhn
      Participant

      How true. I think we would do so much better if we kept reminding ourselves that we are responsible for one another and always go to God for our solutions.

    • #8271

      MeriLynn
      Participant

      The best summary I have heard yet, Bob!!

  • #7415

    PBob
    Participant

    9. When a conflict cannot be resolved it is best to call in a 3rd party who can be neutral with processes and strategies to bring about a resolution. When faced with criticism, we must consider the source and take it to God. If it is true—change, if not—-forget it. We must encourage others to build them up. Criticism does not help.

    • #8449

      Cheryldoerfel
      Participant

      Yup, he said constructive criticism doesn’t exist. Find people who want you to succeed. Advice is good when given in love. :o)

  • #7416

    PBob
    Participant

    Pretty heavy stuff. Great comments.

  • #7580

    Gary
    Participant

    Lesson 1: Conflict existed before man. Satan and 1/3 of the angels rebelled against God before man was created. So conflict is not something new or unique to our time.

    Conflict is two pieces of matter (ex. competing goals or needs, etc.) trying to occupy the same space at the same time.

  • #7581

    Gary
    Participant

    Lesson 2: The Bible is a guide or standard that tells us what should be valued as a Christian. This gives us values that impact situations of conflict.
    Conflict exists in the Bible starting in Genesis (ex. Cain and Abel) and going all the way through Revelation (Jesus disposing of Satan).

    • #8307

      Cheryldoerfel
      Participant

      It definitely would be interesting to take a look at more conflicts in the Bible and to see how they were handled and what we can learn from them.

    • #8995

      Roberta Leps
      Participant

      Yes conflict has existed since the beginning of time because it’s all about relationships, especially our relationship with God.

  • #7582

    Gary
    Participant

    Lesson 3: Personality types play a significant role in conflict and can become a source of conflict in the church as do they in other aspects of life.

  • #7583

    Gary
    Participant

    Lesson 5: All conflict follows the same cycle. That cycle contains the following 5 stages: 1-tension development, 2-Role dilemma, 3-Injustice Collecting, 4-Confrontation, 5-Adjustment.

    All conflict involves an action, a threat to another party and then a reaction from the threatened party.

  • #7584

    Gary
    Participant

    Lesson 6: Perception is very important in conflict resolution. You must be constantly aware of perception as each person can perceive things in a different manner and perception is what is truthful to people. Even though you persive something to be true, it may not be and thus it can be misleading.

    Relationships are central for resolution. Be soft on people but hard on problems because you need the relationship to iron out the problems.

    Conflicts typically fall into one of three categories: a) goal or purpose, b) how you are going to meet that goal or purpose, or c) a value.

    The question is not weather conflict will occur, as it definitely will at some point, but it is how you will respond (i.e. handle and manage it). Will you do it in a way that produces negative response or will you learn to manage conflict so that it produces positive results?

    • #7841

      patriciakuhn
      Participant

      I agree about perception being very important and we need to remember that sometimes perception is based upon a person’s past and experiences and everyone’s is totally different.

    • #8125

      tomdoerfel
      Participant

      Good point Gary. Tonight’s conversation with a friend had a high risk for conflict until I realized his perception of an event wasn’t the same reality I was dealing with…so I simply apologized for not understanding his dilemma.

  • #7585

    Gary
    Participant

    Lesson 7: Communication plays a key role whenever conflict exists. On one hand conflict cannot exist without communication and on the other conflict cannot be resolved without communication. Communication becomes a pivotal point, it can be used constructively or it can be used destructively. It has both a positive and negative side depending upon how you want to use it.

    There are three communication rules: a) good communication promotes dialog (conflict is more easily resolved by dialog), b) good communications decreases tension, c) good communication strives to solve problems, not persecute.

  • #7586

    Gary
    Participant

    Lesson 8: Conflict management is an attempt to increase the values and beneficial consequences while decreasing the harmful consequences. You can’t eliminate it or control it, but by the way you manage it you can influence it to increase the beneficial consequences while decreasing the harmful aspects.
    People tend to support what they themselves have created.

    There are six helpful steps to manage conflict: 1) recognize that there is a problem, 2) seek outside assistance if necessary, 3) empower people in the process, 4) identify and clarify the issues, 5) co-labor together for mutually agreeable solutions, and 6) agree together to abide by the decision.
    View conflict as a problem to be solved.

    • #8183

      tomdoerfel
      Participant

      Excellent note taking Gary and thanks for the comment. I’m presently driving 1,500 miles straight thru from NY to FL and enjoyed your summary

  • #7587

    Gary
    Participant

    Lesson 9: It is possible to agree to disagree without being disagreeable.

    • #7850

      patriciakuhn
      Participant

      I agree!

    • #8278

      MeriLynn
      Participant

      Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’t say it mean!😊

  • #7830

    patriciakuhn
    Participant

    Lesson 1. My favorite acronyms that Dr. Wise used for the word Conflict:

    C=confrontational/cantankerous
    O=obnoxious/optimism/outcomes
    N=negotiate/nasty/nefarious
    F=fight/flight
    L=listen/legalistic/lengthy/loss
    I=ignorant/idealistic/intolerance/interfere
    C=controlled/contrary
    T=trouble/tactful/tolerance

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  patriciakuhn.
  • #7833

    patriciakuhn
    Participant

    Lesson 2. Reconciliation is the most important thing about conflict-so much more important than being right.

  • #7834

    patriciakuhn
    Participant

    Lesson 3. I was amazed at how many primary causes that trigger conflict in the church Dr. Wise listed. I managed to write down 24 of them starting with unhealthy communication among people to any change will bring conflict of some kind.

    • #8106

      tomdoerfel
      Participant

      Yes, church conflict should be anticipated and dealt with in a healthy manner.

    • #8229

      MeriLynn
      Participant

      I never thought about how many ways that conflict can affect the church … actually, before this course, I really never thought about conflict at all…it’s nice to be learning about how to deal with it.

    • #9001

      Roberta Leps
      Participant

      There was a lot I don’t know why but I kind of lost interest around the middle. Seemed like he was grabbing at straws. I’m glad our church is different and healthier than most. I’m sure the biggest plus is our long standing, genuine leadership. We are very blessed.

  • #7836

    patriciakuhn
    Participant

    Lesson 4. Again, was amazed at all the information Dr. Wise gave us. This time concerning the indicators or symptoms of conflict. Some that caught my attention were:
    Groups, clicks, factions within the church, win/lose attitudes, communications patterns change and people stop talking to each other, words like “never” and ” always” used show extreme positions within people.

  • #7839

    patriciakuhn
    Participant

    Lesson 5. Concerning problems/patterns of dealing with conflict, I think a lot of churches want to deny or trivialize what is brought to them. That may work for a while, but the problem may return so much larger than if it were dealt with when it first came up.

    • #8252

      MeriLynn
      Participant

      Hence the reason to be an open and loving church!

  • #7840

    patriciakuhn
    Participant

    Lesson 6. Concerning cognitive dissonance, if we could always try to do the right thing, then that would prevent us from “just going with the flow” or “going on the path of least resistance”.

    • #8124

      tomdoerfel
      Participant

      I recently “went with the flow” to avoid conflict, knowing I was making a poor choice. Doing the right thing requires quite a bit of extra thought and risk.

  • #7843

    patriciakuhn
    Participant

    Lesson 7. Concerning the 5 styles of conflict management, I think I start out in the Collaborator style but sometimes cross over into the Compromiser style.

    • #8266

      MeriLynn
      Participant

      I think that’s true for most of us, Pat…especially if it’s long and drawn out and we are getting nowhere fast!

  • #7845

    patriciakuhn
    Participant

    Lesson 8. I liked the communication process piece by piece that Dr. Wise explained:

    Sender> Noise (encoded)> Receiver> Noise(decoded)> Feedback

    • #8181

      tomdoerfel
      Participant

      Yes, that was good and we all know how hard it is to communicate on a phone with a bad signal…difficult at best.

  • #7848

    patriciakuhn
    Participant

    Lesson 9. I found it interesting when Dr. Wise talked to people who worked as “third parties” and each had different key items that they had learned such as “look at where the individuals are in relation to one another”, “spend time getting the “hurts” out first”, ” may have to agree to disagree”, “just validating feelings is good, but the person must still be willing to work on the conflict” and “get to the heart of the matter first and then go through the steps to resolve it”.

  • #8077

    tomdoerfel
    Participant

    Lesson 1:

    Professor Wise really personalized conflict. His statistical point on board members who’s spiritual walk is damaged seems to fit today’s dysfunctional church. When serving as a board member, I was aware of those pitfalls and experienced great spiritual growth…mostly due to our close relationships.

  • #8097

    tomdoerfel
    Participant

    Lesson 2:

    Thinking of conflict as a positive influence for management has never been on my radar. It only makes sense however to teach people how to deal with it.

    • #8225

      MeriLynn
      Participant

      I agree. How much better it is to “head it off at the pass” then to “sweep it under the rug”. I don’t like conflict so this is a eye opener for me.

  • #8105

    tomdoerfel
    Participant

    Lesson 3:

    Wow. I was at a bible study last night in toy town USA, East Aurora, NY…the home of fisher price. The subject was about life crisis. The group started dealing with how we really treat people during a crisis versus how we’d like to be treated and then they started talking about different levels of Christians, different levels of church membership, and the like. Wow, many of their examples brought up a number of reasons for church conflict. One of the funnier ones was if they took a vow not to drink alcohol they would be allowed the very highest level of church membership…and only those people were allowed church leadership duties. That’s enough ammo for me to understand why many people can’t relate to wanting to go to church. Sad but true

    • #8228

      MeriLynn
      Participant

      I can understand living out your walk so that you’re above reproach when in a leadership position, but even Jesus drank a cup of wine!!

    • #8310

      Cheryldoerfel
      Participant

      I remember that from a long time ago too. Looks like a personal preference raised to a scriptural standard, from lesson 2. :0) So glad we aren’t in that anymore.

  • #8111

    sheilawiedenheft
    Participant

    LESSON 1:

    THAT CONFLICT IS NOT JUST SOMETHING THAT STARTED WITH OUR HUMAN NATURE. THAT THERE WAS EVEN CONFLICT BEFORE WE EVEN EXISTED. THERE WAS EVEN CONFLICT IN HEAVEN WITH GOD AND LUCIFER. I ALWAYS NEW THAT BUT NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT BEFORE.

  • #8112

    sheilawiedenheft
    Participant

    LESSON 2:

    I THINK IT IS SAD WHEN OUR EGO GETS IN THE WAY AND WE TAKE THE FOCUS OFF OF GODS WORD. I HAVE SEEN IT IN THE PAST WHEN NO MATTER HOW MUCH CARING CHURCH MEMBERS TRY TO LOVE ON. AND HELP THEM, EVEN JUST A FEW BROKEN PEOPLE CAN DISRUPT AND CAUSE SO MUCH CONFLICT THAT THEY CAN EVEN CHASE OFF MEMBERS BECAUSE OF THEIR UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR.

  • #8113

    tomdoerfel
    Participant

    Lesson 4:

    Listening to the long list of symptoms of conflict in the church made me think of most churches we’ve been involved with over the years. Conflict resolution is the obvious key and we have also been active in the later. Good leadership deals with this critical issue well and that means cudos to our Vineyard staff and volunteers!

    • #8247

      MeriLynn
      Participant

      That was exactly my thoughts as I listened, Tom. I’m glad we have a Pastor who can organize and delegate. And we have an excellent staff right now as well … Which is a blessing as our church has grown so much in the last few years!

  • #8117

    tomdoerfel
    Participant

    Lesson 5:

    The Vineyard is the largest church my family has attended. Since all our other churches were 100-300 people, we experienced much of the conflict that Dr Wise describes. Also, we have always been quite active, so logistically speaking have been prone to more conflict than people who either just occasionally or even just regularly attend without taking on any kind of volunteer or leadership role. Dr Wise made a good point in regards to helping and/or training people at dealing with eachother, knowing that conflict is right around the corner, especially in tight knit communities.

    • #8325

      Cheryldoerfel
      Participant

      I never thought about it before, but I’ve never had any lessons on how to manage conflict. Why did it take so long? It sure is eye-opening and helpful in all areas of our lives.

  • #8123

    tomdoerfel
    Participant

    Lesson 6:

    Thinking of conflict as constructive is a healthy change for me. Trust, self respect, and finally respect for others is the ultimate goal since conflict is as sure as death and taxes.

    • #8263

      MeriLynn
      Participant

      Very well said, Tom!!

  • #8151

    MeriLynn
    Participant

    Lesson 1

    Practical information that will help us…I like that and look forward to hearing more!
    Conflict has been with us since the beginning of time … With God and Lucifer, with Cain and Able, and with Jesus and the Pharesees and Scribs! How we deal with conflict is so important in the Church because those things, if not caught and addressed early, can cause a church to lose members and affect the health of the church. I was amazed at how mAny different things the Professor listed that churches fight about! The sad part is if they are allowed to continue, we see ourselves as enemies and that is an emotional drain so we cease to be impacting the world for Jesus!

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  MeriLynn.
  • #8163

    tomdoerfel
    Participant

    Lesson 7:

    Assigning myself a management style isn’t easy as we learn the pros and cons of how we choose to deal with inevitable conflict in both our personal lives and church. I’m hoping my wife will help me, mainly to be honest with myself since I prefer avoiding conflict which I perceive as only natural…plus avoiding conflict doesn’t rate very high.

    • #8352

      Cheryldoerfel
      Participant

      You put another thing on my “to do” list- teach Tom to collaborate :0)

  • #8180

    tomdoerfel
    Participant

    Lesson 8:

    Seems like I’ll need to soften up a bit as far as conflict management goes. Whenever I deal with conflict I’m prone to think of it in terms of a hockey game…drop the gloves, beat eachother to a pulp, then go have a beer after the game with each other(figuratively speaking). Obviously, I know many people aren’t built like that, but in my opinion if people had a little tougher skin we wouldn’t have all these relational problems with the culture thinking psychobabel is the answer.

    • #8272

      MeriLynn
      Participant

      Excellent point and so true… “Political correctness” is killing communication and us and causes conflict in my opinion!!

  • #8190

    tomdoerfel
    Participant

    Lesson 9:

    It was funny when Dr Wise said “who ya gonna call” about a neutral third party, because I was thinking…ghost busters! As we finish up this course, I think about the younger people studying this and learning from other people’s mistakes which is great, because many of the examples stated I have definately experienced on my own and with my family through the different ministries we’ve been involved with over the years. I’d like to rate this course in conflict management as an A+!

    • #8277

      MeriLynn
      Participant

      I agree!! I enjoyed it very much and am glad I have it in my “tool bag” 😊

  • #8226

    MeriLynn
    Participant

    Lesson 2

    I never looked at some of the stories in the Bible as being “conflict” based until I heard this tape. But then, everyone has a different idea on what is right and lining that up with Scripture sets the standard. Quick judgements without all the information causes many conflicts so gathering all the information first should be the key to solving conflict…also, finding the root cause! It’s amazing how things can be going along seemingly well and then we hit the “straw that breaks the camel’s back”! Learning how to see it and then manage conflict, within the church especially, will produce a healthy church. The different kinds of conflict within the church was interesting…especially where Pastoring is concerned. Being a Pastor seems like such a difficult job and yet our Pastor makes it look easy … We are truly blessed with Pastor Steve!!

    • This reply was modified 1 year ago by  MeriLynn.
    • #8306

      Cheryldoerfel
      Participant

      It makes me think about listening to two sides of an arguement. When I hear a side I think that sounds right, and then I hear the other side and that sounds right. How can they both be right? And then it makes sense to me that it’s not about being right. I could never be a judge. I see the importance of reconciliation. We need to focus more on that than being right.

  • #8230

    MeriLynn
    Participant

    Lesson 3

    Sources of conflict…our different personalities, sin that produces barriers, walking in the Flesh and not the Spirit, our Attitudes, our individual needs, power plays and the fears that bring them to the forefront, and Stress…certainly one that can change our personalities!! I can see where conflict in the church can be so different than conflicts in the world. The one that really hit me was about being able to confront it…so difficult when everything must be cloaked in tolerance and love that many times it just doesn’t get addressed. I’m always reminded that we are to speak “truth in love”. Because we are a church “family”, it’s easy to be wounded, but we are guided to reconciliation as brothers and sisters in Christ and those standards are to be done in a healthy, productive, and Biblical manner. Conflict can be a good thing and bring clarity and resolution to uncomfortable situations…both personally and in the church!

    • #8309

      Cheryldoerfel
      Participant

      What a great time to be taking this class, during this election. Talk about conflict. It’s crazy. Reconciliation is so important but it seems so much easier to avoid it than get involved.

  • #8243

    Cheryldoerfel
    Participant

    Lesson 1

    Conflict has been around before the Bible was written. We all experience it and can benefit from learning how to deal with it, especially within the church.

    • #8990

      Roberta Leps
      Participant

      Amen Sister… and fortunately we are blessed to be in a church that doesn’t have much. And if we do, it is quickly and maturely, and lovingly resolved. ❤

  • #8248

    MeriLynn
    Participant

    Lesson 4

    This lesson clearly pointed out the conflicts that can arise in a church family and I must say that I had never even thought about most of them! We are blessed to have our Pastor Steve and the excellent staff that he has put together! I imagine that there are still small factions within our church…we have so many programs that put different people together who become friends because of that but I personally have never felt “uninvited” because of that. I really feel that we are a loving environment and that is why our church is growing. I have, however, been in churches in my lifetime
    where I gave it a good shot and realized that it would never feel like home so I left. I was a member of our Vineyard under another Pastor years ago and the clicks and gossip and what appeared to be “unloving” atmosphere caused me to quit. I actually had one of the “ladies” back me into a corner and make me try to defend myself as a Christian because I owned a bar. I finally said that “God must want me there because it isn’t sellin and unlike you, I go into the Lion’s Den every day and try to bring them back here”. But that shook me to my core and I left shortly after that experience and wandered for years … Trying other churches that never felt like home until I came back into new leadership and those people were gone. I’m so happy that I tried again!! This lesson was a good reminder and an opportunity to see how conflicts can happen and to work with others at resolving them!

    • This reply was modified 1 year ago by  MeriLynn.
    • #8314

      Cheryldoerfel
      Participant

      During this lecture I was thinking “How does Pastor Steve do it?” Because like you, I don’t see so much of this stuff as I have seen in other churches we have attended. We are so blessed!

    • #9027

      Roberta Leps
      Participant

      A sign of good leadership is a happy growing church and that’s exactly what we are. Growing and happy and healthy. Im so happy and honored to call this Keys Vineyard Community Church our home ❤

  • #8254

    MeriLynn
    Participant

    Lesson 5

    Our church feels more like a family than a Corporate Organization, even though I know that it is. How churches deal with inner conflict can mean the life or death of it’s membership. I liked hearing all the different ways that churches do deal with conflict hand ave been involved in some that just Trivialized the situation which was very hurtful to the offended party! Trained incapacity made a lot of sense as we tend to do the same behaviors, usually unconsciously, and then wonder why things remain the same! The “conflict cycle” was very interesting to me and in another Program, I have been taught to address things immediately as soon as it is apparent that I have caused tension. I don’t always do it perfectly, but it was interesting to see where it leads when I don’t!! Some of the questions on this section seemed a little vague so I’m hoping I understood what answer the professor wanted 😅

    • This reply was modified 1 year ago by  MeriLynn.
  • #8256

    sheilawiedenheft
    Participant

    Lesson 4

    I enjoy the fact that these lessons of causes of conflict not only apply at a church level, but can be used in all aspects of our lives. At work in our personal relationships, even in our families.

  • #8257

    sheilawiedenheft
    Participant

    Lesson 5

    I like how in this lesson we focus on the solution. How sometimes a person , or people just don’t know any better. So the first thing we must do is to love them right where they are, and help God find a way, even if it is by us gently talking to them. So they must first acknowledge that there is a problem, then we can help them find solutions. Perhaps we may even help them not only find healthy solutions, but help them learn how to apply them to their life.

    • #9026

      Roberta Leps
      Participant

      I love this attitude of living in the solution, not the problem.

  • #8258

    sheilawiedenheft
    Participant

    Lesson 6

    I like how this lesson tells us that we need to express and acknowledge our emotions and feelings so we can heal. This way the problem will not just resurface in the future.

    • #8262

      MeriLynn
      Participant

      I liked that too, Sheila. And the part about our percptions … It can become our reality …which adds confusion to the conflict!

  • #8259

    sheilawiedenheft
    Participant

    Lesson 7

    I like how this lesson expresses the importance of listening and actually taking the time to listen and hear what the other person is saying. How one counselor would not let the other party speak until she was clear that the person that was listening actually “understood” what the person speaking was talking about. I loved this. misunderstanding what another person is trying to say definitely happens more than I thought in the past. It is mind blowing. I have found it very important in my life to get feedback to make sure the other person understands what is trying to be communicated. I also find it very interesting that 90 percent of our communication is non verbal, such as body language and tone of voice.

    • #8267

      MeriLynn
      Participant

      I totally agree…by the way, I find you to be an excellent listener and sometimes wonder how you put up with me!!😄

  • #8260

    sheilawiedenheft
    Participant

    Lesson 8

    When handling conflict it is often good to pray together for guidance and insight from God before starting. Also looking up scripture on this subject may also be helpful. It is also helpful to find some common ground before as the process begins. Go into this with an open mind and try to see, even if you still do not agree, the other persons point of view.

  • #8261

    sheilawiedenheft
    Participant

    Lesson 9

    Remember that age and spiritual maturity do not necessarily go hand in hand. So as a very dear friend of mine often says… “don’t get cocky” LOL. We need to also be open minded and respectful of our younger members. Another point in this lesson is that if we remain humble and use a little self examination we may be able to keep our ego in check. In doing this we may prevent some tension and or the escalation of tension and conflict. As in Mathew 7:3 Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brothers eye and ignore the plank in your own eye?

    • #8276

      MeriLynn
      Participant

      Well said , Sheila!!

  • #8264

    MeriLynn
    Participant

    Lesson 6

    Conflict is rarely resolved if you bypass emotions and feelings. Everyone needs to be affirmed and listened to and to share their perspective . If people are allowed to vent, you can usually get to the roots of the problem quicker and help find a resolution. Most people (and churchs) tend to take the path of least resistance but that just generally sweeps the conflict under the rug. I didn’t like hearing about the negative results of conflict .. Especially bitterness, which is the evil one’s playground! But I’m glad to know that resolution of conflict can result in helpings us grow, helping us find our identity, create unity in the relationship or group and help us sort out all kinds of issues,. It will show how to handle future conflicts with quality ideas and alternative solutions. Be soft on people and hard on the problem so that managing the conflict will bring about positive results and bring Gloy to God!

    • #8341

      Cheryldoerfel
      Participant

      You do such a good job putting it in your own words. :0)

  • #8268

    MeriLynn
    Participant

    Lesso 7

    This was a very interesting and informative tape. I nevear thought about the different styles of management but since it’s somethinG I have to do regularly, I think I have grown unknowingly into a collaborator. Our business is run kind of like a family and my employees stay forever, everyone understanding that their part is vital and they are an important part of how the “machine” works. We talk often and listen to each other a lot! I spent my early life as an Avoider and my middle life as an Accomodator and Compromiser which generally made me resentful and unhappy. Life is so cmuch easier and richer when working things out together! Of course, as an older person, I would like to think that I am wiser 😁. I liked learning about the sender – noise – receiver and the decoder and feedback stages of communication. That will be especially helpful to me! I struggle with hearing (literally) so I must pay closer attention now…which ultimately slows me down and sometimes forces me to read lips. That makes me sad as I would much rather be looking into someone’s eyes and when I see that they notice I am not, I have to explain and that can be embarrassing! God has a “great sense of humor”…that’s probably the only way I would have slowed my “racing brain”!!

    • #8351

      Cheryldoerfel
      Participant

      Makes me think how guilty I am of not listening but thinking of what I’m going to say instead :0/ More for me to work on :0)

  • #8273

    MeriLynn
    Participant

    Lesson 8

    Compromise in the church setting can be viewed as a bad thing because it is assumes that you must give up your strong beliefs, but it doesn’t even have to be that way. If the stakes aren’t too high and a stalemate is reached, it maybe be the only solution. Also, the Competitivew management style must sometimes be called on in high stakes, emergency situations providing the person has the authority and the wrong decision could bring disaster! It is not good on a regular basis though or you become a dictator and people will not follow you and moral will suffer.
    I liked the detailed list of management of Conflict. I think they will help me very much going forward and I’m glad I took notes!
    I’ve always liked the phrase: Seek to understand rather than two be understood… The strategies to be used to get everyone on the same page are important also and I have a new understanding about seeking the Lord for willingness to change, opened eyes and softened heart. Seeking forgiveness when it’s been resolved is really important too!
    I’m glad I read Matthew 18 and have a new understanding of how that is a Conflict-resolving chapter!!
    We need Restoration and Reconciliation to bring Glory to God in all these processes!

    • This reply was modified 1 year ago by  MeriLynn.
    • #8447

      Cheryldoerfel
      Participant

      “Seek to understand rather than to be understood.” — I need to really focus on that and use it when helping others.

  • #8280

    MeriLynn
    Participant

    Lesson 9

    This has been an excellent series for me. I don’t like conflict but I have learned much about dealing with it here.
    It totally make sense to get outside help when you see the list of 7 reasons to reach out…especially when you see the effects that prolonged conflict can have on the life of the church. The qualifications for a third party…a totally neutral person with a high tolerance for ambiguity, intolerance, ambivalence, and frustration, is just the person to step in, get hurts aired out and problems on the table and work to help the parties better communicate! Getting to the heart of the matter may solve a problem immediately as conflict can be based on the root cause that even the participants don’t realize.
    I liked his explaination of empowering people. That would make a huge difference in relationships and communication.
    And not “catching the ball” on criticism is important too. Check to see if it’s really true with a trusted friend ( iron sharpens iron) and if it’s true, ask your friend for advice and then ask God to help you fix it. If there is no validity ( people seem to forget that the Bible tells us not to let unwholesome things come out of our mouths), then pray or them…be gentle…and let it go…let God take care of it.
    Self examination is another important tool. Usually done at the end of each day, we pray for hurt feelings to heal, what part we may have played and if we need to, ask God to help you make it right…clean your side of the sheet… And then pray for the offender and give them to God so you can sleep peacefully… Works for me every time😊

  • #8305

    Cheryldoerfel
    Participant

    Lesson 2

    We need to look at what the Bible says about conflict. Reconciliation is very important, more than being right. Conflict isn’t always negative. Change your focus from what you disagree on to what you agree on. Poorly managed conflict can result in sinful behavior. You can lose love to hatred and humility to selfishness. One of the causes of conflict stood out to me: People can take their own personal preferences and raise them to a scriptural standard. This was a great lecture.

  • #8308

    Cheryldoerfel
    Participant

    Lesson 3

    Dealing with conflict in the church is different than dealing with conflict in other organizations. It sounds harder. Also, the list of causes of conflict is almost overwhelming. Looking forward to the next lesson.

    • #8999

      douglasleps
      Participant

      Yes, since many people here are volunteers, U have to treat them differently than if they were employees. Kidd gloves to gently encourage them as a opposed to making demands.

    • #9000

      Roberta Leps
      Participant

      I agree, and even said to Doug that it seems like he’s beating a dead horse. Our church is so wonderful and healthy I’m having a hard time relating to this lesson. I feel spoiled and blessed. This series is not as deep as some of our other lessons where I was having ah hah moments with most every lesson. Feeling a little less enlightened

  • #8311

    Cheryldoerfel
    Participant

    Lesson 4

    Recognize indicators of conflict and be aware of symptoms and the most predictable times for conflict. This will help you to prepare to manage conflict.

  • #8324

    Cheryldoerfel
    Participant

    Lesson 5

    Churches fall into patterns of dealing with conflict that can end up like unwritten rules. The professor gave six circumstances that are prone to conflict. They are all good, but I thought low respect was a big one. So many problems could be avoided if people dealt with problems respectfully, respecting people in how they deal with things. Conflict follows through cycles of action, threat, and reaction. Look for tension developing. This is where it can be stopped early on from growing into a bigger problem.

    • #9025

      Roberta Leps
      Participant

      Yup, man up, don’t beat around the bush or sweep it under the rug, or minimize it. Respectfully, maturely, and lovingly, with prayer, and referring to God’s word, resolve the issue.

  • #8340

    Cheryldoerfel
    Participant

    Lesson 6

    Healthy relationships are essential for resolution. This includes being soft on people but hard on on problems. Rational thinking, understanding, listening, healthy persuasion, and a high degree of acceptance are also important. Healthy relationships have 3 important ingredients to handle conflict well. They are trust, risk, and growth.

  • #8350

    Cheryldoerfel
    Participant

    Lesson 7

    Great lecture on 5 styles of conflict. Wish I was a better collaborator. I tend to lean to all the other styles.
    :0( I need to work on that.

  • #8446

    Cheryldoerfel
    Participant

    Lesson 8

    I found the 5 styles on conflict interesting and found categories for Tom and I. I hope I can practice this stuff. Empowering people and making them feel a part of the solution and making them feel good about the process is so important, attacking the problem and not each other.

  • #8448

    Cheryldoerfel
    Participant

    Lesson 9

    This lesson talked about 3rd party intervention, conflict and power, the overabundance of criticism, causes of criticism, and how you handle criticism. The book, “Well Intentioned Dragons,” gave humorous names to critical types of people in churches.

  • #8987

    douglasleps
    Participant

    Conflict management lesson 1
    Yes….. Practical lesson.
    Lots of good information in this lesson!
    Conflict is when two pieces of matter try to occupy the same space at the same time.
    We all experience conflict. It’s been around since the beginning with God and his fallen angel.
    It’s a shame that the Church and Pastors are so often the target of conflict. Well intentioned dragons still burn up everything in their path.

  • #8989

    Roberta Leps
    Participant

    Conflict Management Lesson 1
    I believe our Big Pine Key Vineyard Church is amongst the healthiest percentile! ❤

  • #8991

    Roberta Leps
    Participant

    Conflict Management Lesson 2
    There were several note worthy quotes in this lesson:
    “Reconciliation is more important than being right.”
    “Unity amongst diversity.”
    “Not all conflict is sinful, but poorly handled conflict can result in sinful behavior.”

  • #8992

    douglasleps
    Participant

    Conflict management lesson 2
    The Church I grew up in until I was 15, was very progressive for its time and flourished for many years. But when the pastor left, conflict began to creep in and slowly but surely a very small group of elders who refused to embrace change ultimately brought the Church down. Instead of focussing on the disagreement, you need to highlight what can be agreed upon. If used properly, Conflict can help us focus on what is really important.

  • #8997

    Roberta Leps
    Participant

    I seem to be comparing our church to everything Dr Wise is giving as examples of conflict within the church and am grateful for so many areas that we are different than most. We don’t seem to have a lot these issues that are being discussed and I can see why. I’m honored to be a member of our church. Very grateful for our leadership and the way our organization is run and our mission statement of “One More” Why would it be anything else?

  • #8998

    douglasleps
    Participant

    Conflict management lesson 3
    I never really gave much thought as to how conflict may differ in the Church as opposed to a secular organization, but I see now. Having to work with many volunteers as Roberta and I do is challenging and we do have to work differently with them to avoid or resolve conflict. On a side note I found it very interesting to see how fear is the root of much conflict. In recovery, you Learn that fear can be traced back as the root of almost every problem.

  • #9021

    douglasleps
    Participant

    Conflict management lesson 5
    I found the 5 stages of the conflict cycle to be very helpful. If only we could all recognize a situation while in the tension stage and “nip it in the bud” it would avoid escalation to the more dangerous stages of conflict. But as Dr. Wise outs it, ” some people are just plain ignorant”.

  • #9023

    Roberta Leps
    Participant

    Lesson 4
    Our church doesn’t have most of the issues that Dr Wise talks about because our church isn’t run like most of his examples… ie; there’s no voting, resigning, lengthy vacations by pastor, no district superintendent, not too many chiefs (maybe occasionally lack indians). Thank God we have a healthy congregational life because we have healthy leadership.

  • #9024

    Roberta Leps
    Participant

    Lesson 5
    Church is like family. I really feel that’s true. I love my church family.
    Allowing love to cover offenses is often what it takes to keep a family together. Praying for the wisdom and discernment to do that helps. Pray for that open and forgiving heart. Expectations is always a tricky, slippery and dangerous slope.
    And acceptance is key to happiness & peace.
    Nipping problems in the bud is very important before they get too out of hand.
    Every situation filtered through God’s Word with Love at the center. Living in the solution, not the problem.

  • #9080

    douglasleps
    Participant

    Conflict management lesson 7
    I found this lesson to be very informative. I was shocked to find out that 90% of communication is non verbal! To communicate well, we must keep or verbal and non verbal signals equal. Good listening is not just waiting for my turn to speak….. It’s actually listening. I must admit I struggle with this everyday.

  • #9081

    douglasleps
    Participant

    Conflict management lesson 8
    Again, lots of good information in this lesson. The 5 conflict management styles and the 6 steps to managing conflict are good to know. I also liked how Dr. Wise broke down collaborate to Co-laboring when it come to solving conflict.

  • #9097

    Roberta Leps
    Participant

    Conflict Management Lesson 6

    “Feelings are just as important as facts and figures in conflict management” which is kind of an opposite statement of a tool I’ve been taught to use over the years to keep myself in check which states “feelings are not facts”. I do realize we are dealing with other people in this situation. I just found that interesting.

    Lesson 7
    The importance of good communication is definitely important in every relationship, in a church, a marriage, with our Lord. Every healthy relationship. It is key!

    Lesson 8

    Compromising with wisdom without Compromising Biblical integrity.

    Lesson 9

    Seeking outside assistance. I don’t know if I’d stick around a church to this extent. Just being honest. I’m glad we have good solid leadership and a healthy congregation.

    I found this statement a thought to ponder…. “I agree to disagree without being disagreeable”. It’s an art!

    Yes I’m scurrying to get er done in time to graduate!!!

  • #9098

    douglasleps
    Participant

    Conflict management lesson 9
    Dr. Wise says it best when he says ” I realized that I couldn’t please everybody, all the time, so I might as well just please God!”
    Also, I often have a difficult time handling criticism and don’t always react well, but the advice given in this lesson hit home. To handle criticism wisely ask yourself…. Is it true? If it is, ask God to help you fix it…. If it’s not true, forget it and let it go.

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